What We’re Learning About Having Five Children

I don’t think that 5 kids is anything to really scream home about, but it’s apparently not normal.  I grew up with friends who had families of six and even eight children – so when we hit five this year, we really didn’t think anything was much different.

Although we were super excited to welcome baby 5, the same excitement didn’t follow from friends and family. .. we couldn’t help but notice the mentality shift at that point. 

I am not quite sure what it is about the number 5 that makes it so entirely different than 4. Thinking about all of our local peers … we’re the only ones that kept going after 2. I struggle to think of one friend who has more than 2 kids, in fact, I know only one person that has three children. Everyone else has one or two.

We were one of those 2-kid families until not so long ago.

But now, when people ask how many kids you have and you say “five” it usually produces wide eyes, and a “yikes” – that really didn’t happen when we had four.

And if you want my honesty, unless you are in a religious community here in the U.S., in most cases you probably have two kids. I’m completely happy with having five kids – our days are unpredictable, and David and I are always in good company.  Our kids always have plenty of people to play with and whenever I need extra help getting things done, I have 5 able bodies to help me until he gets home.

If it’s one thing I have learned with having five it’s that everything is meant for a family of four – from shopping to hotels… & giveaways for a family pack of tickets.  Don’t get me started on the smug comments from the perfectly formed families of four. The families who fit perfectly in a standard hotel room, or resort suite.

We are fine with being different – but our experiences up until now has made us see the ways that our country is not hospitable to “fivers”.

1. Look at the Cars

My kids think that Mini Coopers are adorable..  ok, I’ll admit I kind of think they are too. Or, those Crossover SUV’s that you see for people with 2 kids who want more than a Sedan.  

Ok… now that we are done laughing about that, lets move on.

I’m driving a GMC Yukon XL to haul the kids to school. All 7 of us are squashed in there, and it’s practical for us. Do you really want to know how I feel about that vehicle?

There is just enough room for us when all 4 car seats are in there. Let me emphasize that: JUST ENOUGH ROOM.  Sure, 5 kids and 4 huge car seats fit, but barely. Lets not talk about leg room or extra wiggle room, and forget the fact that the kids have backpacks – those need to get tossed in the very back with the double stroller because face it, that 1/2 inch in between the back of the seat and the knees is not going to cut it, even for a backpack.

As a result, every morning when we get to the school, Mom has to get out and get the backpacks out of the back – which results in some pretty harsh comments from the school staff – after all, we are not supposed to get out of our vehicle. 

There isn’t any extra room for friends or family – so asking me to pick up your child will result in a resounding NO. I’m sorry, I just can’t do it.  I’m not trying to be rude but I have five. Drive your own child or find your own travel, but it certainly won’t be with us.

Obviously we can’t travel cross country squashed in a Yukon .. so our Excursion takes us on those trips that we need more room. Try parking that rig in a tight spot or maneuvering that truck around the school during parent pick up. 

2. Shopping is Always Meant for 1 or 2

Everyone shops for food – right? We don’t go to the local supermarket these days, but if we did, the message is that we are expected to have one child with us at a time.

I have 2 shopping cart sitters, and one car seat, which makes it problematic – the only place I can take my kids is Costco, and we have to push two carts. 

I’m so thankful that most of our shopping is done by running in a farm office, because that makes a Costco trip much more of a breeze – especially when you only need a handful of things.

3. Hotels are Meant for 4

If you go to any local hotel or resort, the rooms are set for a family of four. Just a few months ago, we called to make reservations at the Holiday Inn in Southern California for a two night stay when we had a death in the family.

It was apparent that large families are NOT welcome. When asked how many kids, my husband replied with “5”…. she must have thought that we were trying to squeeze into one room.

We weren’t.

Shortly into the call, I heard him firmly say “no, we need 2 rooms next to each other. Yes they NEED to be next to eachother. But why?  Would you allow your kids to be in a room on another floor? Fine, I’m done.”

Yikes.. definitely not like my husband (more like me, but not like him..)

Before you know it he was asking me to gather more numbers for more hotels. Holiday Inn could not entertain two rooms next to each other and five kids was not going to work for them.  We haven’t gone back to California since… but if we did, it would require we stay at Chase Suites simply because they are one of the few hotels that will accommodate our family. It’s just not cost effective, but you do what you have to do.

Just last week my husband scrolled through Facebook to see an article from a local newspaper throwing out tips to taking a vacation for less than $500 in Arizona. Unfortunately it may have helped some, but considering this author had 2 kids, it really wasn’t all that helpful.

My husband laughed – looked at me and said “hey, look!  This article says that you can take a family on a trip for less than $500”.   He quickly skimmed it and said “moving on. The author has two kids.  I want to see her try with five. Why don’t they ever have a mom of five giving tips?”

4. People just Don’t Understand

Why in the WORLD would you have five kids? 

Outside of our family (and in some ways, even IN the family), the number five was greeted with a lack of enthusiasm. After you have your first child, people ask you when the next is due – after all, you don’t want him/her to be an only child. Right?

With two children, you are congratulated – especially when they are of different sex. You are lucky – after all, one of each, no need for more!

Moving on… three kids is only acceptable if the first two are the same sex. After all, wouldn’t you like to add a little girl or boy to the mix?  

At four, people start to assume you are reckless.. more than likely they assume you want to “even out” your  herd, 2 of each is highly desired. 

With five children, you are off the charts. WHY even attempt five when you have four – especially when those four include two boys and two girls? At this point you are irresponsible, and if they cost you a fortune, then you can’t blame anyone but yourself – right?

What Five Kids is Really Like

Having 5 kids is not as fearsome as one might think. Sure, things can get cumbersome.

Well, I’ll be honest. Everything we do is cumbersome.

Someone is always missing a shoe.

Yes, we are usually always running late.

Sure, it’s a little chaotic. But we love it that way anyways.

When it comes to the holidays, no longer can we afford flights and fancy hotels – since we’re “fivers” we have already invested in an SUV with plenty of rear space for lots of bags, and a roof box to carry our goods across country.  Road trips resort in whatever is cost effective – Super 8, Days Inn or, if we are lucky, Holiday Inn. Our kids think that any hotel with a pool and an ice maker in the hallway is a resort – right now, we just hope they keep that frame of thought at least for a few more years.

When it comes to clothes, the gear we had for kids one, two and three has been washed so many times that by the time we had number four, the gear was used and beat up.  Now that baby five is here, the niceties of pink and blue have gone out the window – any color works for us, and guess what? The baby is just as happy.   

Our closets and shoe bins are a composite of secondhand finds and hand-me downs – our kids don’t know any different – the shoe bin is like a shoe shop to them and their closet of clothes trigger “WOW, Mom! I LOVE all these NEW clothes!”  Never does it occur to them that they have been handed down several times or purchased at the secondhand sale. Never do my kids ask why we don’t head to the mall to get them clothes, they really know no different.

Both of our sets of parents were big on self reliance when we were kids – and to this day, they still are. For the first few children, I did everything myself – and really did work at perfecting everything with tireless effort.  Now that we have five, it’s different – no, we can’t afford nannies or house cleaners, and no, I simply can’t do it all myself. So I have had to learn how to delegate household chores to the older children, who need to be practicing self reliance, too. I have also had to learn to accept that I can’t do everything, and asking for help is OK – because if I don’t, I get overtired from the after school homework, meal prep, household chores and work to do at home.

One thing I have noticed is that with five, our older kids are great at helping out. No, they aren’t our labor force, but they are wonderful at helping the younger kids with homework, bath times, dressing, and personal hygiene.  Our oldest two are willing and able to help with diaper changes when needed and never have to be asked – that’s pretty nice when you have your hands full in the kitchen making food.

Five kids is fun – my kids’ friends love coming over to our house and they come over regularly – if anything, it might be because our house seems to have this party atmosphere almost all the time. “Mrs. Sheryl.. I love your house! Your house is SO LOUD!”  That would be a true statement :)

My kids now prefer to hang out at our house instead of going to their grandma’s house – and that might be because they can do more at ours. With five, you can’t be dictating too many rules. .. two of us and five of them doesn’t make anything consistent. We have to pick our battles and the trivial things just go out the window.

Five kids leads you with a constant stream of things to do all day – getting everyone up, and making breakfast for all the little people is an event. Cleaning up after the event, then preparing for the next meal – baths in between, a constant stream of laundry, continuous pile of clothes to get folded and rooms that always need to be organized. There really isn’t any time to micro-manage your children when you have five. Having a little less control over your kids is not always a bad thing – we really don’t have the time in our day to sit and monitor their every mood.

They probably love that. Wouldn’t you?

One thing that we occasionally hear, as parents of five, is that we need to be more aware of is the fact that the U.S. is booming in population. The world is becoming crowded – don’t we realize that we are contributing to that problem?

One of the biggest problems facing our nation is not overpopulation, but lack of children.

In the first three months of 2016, the fertility rate in the US fell to the lowest level. The rate was 59.8 births per 1,000 women. The first quarter of 2015 had seen similarly low rates at 60 births per 1,000 women. (Source)

Rather than throwing out comments that we should be more cognizant of the growing population, next time you see a large family, you should instead congratulate them for having children.

After all, these children will enter the workforce, and pay tax – and even help you with your pension.