Chances are if you have kids, you might find it difficult to head out with your spouse and do a date night – it’s definitely harder for us with each child. Back when we had just one or two, it was much easier to go out together… but over the years it has become incredibly challenging for many reasons.
Last spring we celebrated our 16th Anniversary – and I remember the conversation very well (I was in month 7 of being pregnant at the time with #5). I called David at work to ask him about the possibility of going out to dinner for a brief weeknight… just to go for dinner.
Only dinner. Not a movie. Should be easy – right?
Not so fast.
Finding someone to watch all 5 proved harder. So we suggested that we would just take the newborn with us, and that way if she got hungry, I could breastfeed wherever we were. But that leaves 4, and nobody wants to watch 4 at once… at least not our 4.
Splitting them all up to go to several places could have been an option, but we don’t have several places for them to go, and we’ll spend more time finding a place than just not going out at all.
Well, it has been a year now, and our then infant is now 14 months old. That dinner out date night has not happened, so my best guess is that it probably won’t be happening and we will watch a documentary with a bucket of popcorn on the sofa.
But that is ok.. because we do that often. So often we have watched {almost} every documentary on Netflix – we are running out of stuff to watch. ?
Married Couples with children have 2 date night challenges – exhaustion (right?) and finding a sitter – agree?
#1 – Exhaustion
This exhaustion may not be the same for everyone, but certainly is there if you have a newborn. It’s a vacation to go out of the house alone, but on most days you are trying to keep the kids happy, fed and bathed. You are trying to keep the house clean, laundry done, and dishes out of the sink. Then you move into the stage of caring for a newborn, which means you are nursing or pumping (or maybe both) every 2-3 hours.. your hormones are all over the place and you are constantly wiping up, cleaning up or changing your clothes.
#2 – Finding a Sitter
I would much rather forego a date night “out” of the house than try to find a sitter. It’s rare for anyone to want to watch 5 kids – even if they are family. Then if they do agree to watch them, you have to prepare them for the care by making sure they are fed, well dressed and that they can get along while they are there.
Getting along – what is that?
That in itself deters me from making date night out of the house a possibility.
But, date night in the house is always an option – and for us it’s more of a reality… we might fall asleep after we put a movie on together .. but we are making time to be together and that is important.
Card/Board Games
Am I the only person who loves a good card game? There are many out there that are great for 2 players – Cribbage, Uno, Yahtzee, Dominoes .. the list could go on. Wait until the kids go to bed and whip out the game – make up some popcorn, or pour the wine.
Cook a Meal Together
Instead of going out for dinner, pick up what you need and bring it home.. put the kids down early and cook a nice meal together in the kitchen. Just don’t argue over who will do the dishes :)
Wine Tasting Night
If you have wine at home, pair up with some good cheese and crackers and have a wine-tasting night between you two once the kids go down.
Movie Marathon
Pick up a few flicks from the Redbox, from adventure to comedy .. and sit down and watch them back to back. Make sure you are stocked up on popcorn and drinks, and if you should happen to fall asleep on the sofa pick up some Eggs so you have breakfast available for the next morning.
Watch Documentaries Together
This is probably our favorite thing to do… and every chance we get we try so hard to find something that both of us like (when the kids are asleep!) Food or Religious Documentaries are our favorite, and we’ll usually each our homemade smoothies and try to stick out a few hours (as long as we can!) before little bodies wake up.
OR, we’ll put on a kids movie in the second living room, buy them some popcorn and enjoy our movie as long as we can before we get interrupted.
Have a Video Game Night
Now not all couples are video gamers.. but some are. I’ll admit I’m definitely not a gamer, but I have some friends who are hard core video game fanatics. If it’s something you BOTH love doing, then take a few hours to spend some time together playing each other on a game..
Even more, make it a romantic night of dinner before, too.
Take some Personality Tests
This can be fun too — try some of the personality tests out there and see where you compare. A few that come to mind are Jung Typology Test, Color Code, The 5 Love Languages, or Family Education Compatibility Quiz.
Massage
Give each other a massage – this might be easier said than done though. Take a couples massage course and learn how to massage each other, and make it a regular date night at home. You’ll skip the high cost of paying much more at a spa, and you will be spending time together.
Light a Fire
Light up the fire on the back patio (safely of course), or throw on your swim gear and sit in the pool & spend some time together outside talking about things. Bring a bottle of wine and a few wine glasses outside to help carry the mood. Though if you are in Arizona, I probably wouldn’t light a fire on the back patio in the summer… and getting in the pool isn’t an option in the winter.
Unless you are trying to be really bold and innovative, then I say go for it. ? Better you than me.
Sometimes the best date nights are the most simple stay at home ideas – we’re not talking about getting dressed up too fancy, renting a fancy car or going to an expensive event. Though that might be fun at times… what is important is that you spend time with each other – communicate, and connect on an emotional level.
No matter what stage of family life you are in, you need to make date nights an important part of your schedule – to reconnect on the same emotional level and share some intentional time together.